Psychic GED Staff

One of my jobs at the college I work in is to track application files and turn them over to an admissions counselor once the student has submitted everything needed for admission. Because registration deadline is approaching, today I am calling all applicants that have outstanding items. Some students need to come in to take the placement exam, some students need to submit residency information, and some students need to submit high school transcripts. All pretty routine, the phone calls are just a reminder to the students to get their butts in gear.

I just got off of the phone with a student who is under the impression that the GED board is staffed by psychics. I informed the student that we are still awaiting his GED transcript before we can review his file for admission. The student stated that the transcripts should be here any day. I asked when he requested the transcripts.

The phone was silent for a second, and then the student stated: “Am I supposed to? Don’t they just know where I want to go?”

That’s right. The GED board is psychic and he is sending thought waves letting them know he needs his transcript.

Costumes

A friend and I went to see Phantom of the Opera Friday night. The costumes and staging were beautiful. In opera, people are dressed so that their personalities and characters are known by the audience the minute they step on stage. I have been thinking how convenient life would be if everyone would dress their part.

The long talker in the office would wear a plain white button front shirt - something easy to see peripherally so that you could duck down a side corridor before you got caught in a 15 minute conversation on blue versus green cars.

The woman who always puts food in her purse at all you can eat buffets would have pig ears and giant pearls, like Miss Piggy. When anyone with pig ears and giant pearls showed up to Ryan’s, they could meet them at the door and refuse service.

You would never be surprised that your neighbor is a perv because his Jack Nicholson eyebrows and burgandy smoking jacket would have clued you in to that fact.

I am just worried that I would be wearing a dunce cap.

Summer Cold

There are many ways to have a cold.

You can “take it like a man,” and “do what you have to do.” Don’t let a cold get the best of you. Go into work, insisting that you aren’t sick. Force your foggy head to retain and retrieve information that is relevant to your work life. You never really fool you co-workers that everything is as normal, and because you don’t want them to know you have a cold, your co-workers wonder if you are on something, mentioning to one another that you don’t seem yourself.

Another option is to wallow in pity, whining to everyone that you are sooo sick. Drag out of bed in the morning, complaining that you have to go in, no matter if you are sick. You barely dress appropriate for the office, and when you get there you lay your head on your desk, getting nothing done and being a nuisance to your co-workers.

My way of having a cold is to announce that I have a cold, take leave from work, and lounge around the house in an old nightie. I watch reruns of “Leave it to Beaver,” drink hot tea, and curl up to sleep with my dog and my favorite blanket.

I don’t know if my way of having a cold is the best, but I am sure that my co-workers appreciate the fact that I kept my cooties at home. Also, it is nice to see what that Eddie Haskell is up to.