Hand-Shakers

I have a dislike to handshaking. It isn’t that I am anti-social. I love to meet new people. I just don’t like to shake hands. I am not sure where the other person had their hand moments ago. Once a guy was picking biscuit out of his teeth with his finger and then stuck his hand out for me to shake.

I favor the “nod” as a greeting. The nod is user friendly and cootie free.

In my attempts to bring the nod forward as the acceptable greeting when being introduced I have met many setbacks. People who are confirmed hand-shakers get pissy if you don’t want to shake their hand. Sometimes the other person will go beyond holding their hand out to shake and will reach for my hand. To block that attempt I have tried holding onto a notebook so that I can give the impression that I would like to shake hands, I am just unable to because of this notebook I am holding.

Another approach I use to avoiding shaking hands is to hold my hands in front of me in an “I am unarmed and mean you no harm” stance and announce that I may have a cold coming on. I would think that with all of this swine flu in the news an announcement of possible illness would slow down the hand-shakers, but it doesn’t seem to faze them. While grabbing my upheld hand a guy told me that he had just gotten over a cold so he should be safe.

I think I have found a sure-fire way to avoid shaking hands. I have numerous Band-Aids on my right hand. There is nothing seriously wrong with my hand. I was building a retaining wall this past weekend and scraped my hand between two rocks. Our college is holding open registration this week and I knew I would be in for a full day of hand-shaking so I covered the abrasions with Band-Aids to keep other people’s germs out of my scrapes. Imagine my surprise when no one shook my hand!

That is right. Not one single attempt to shake my hand. Take note all you other anti hand-shakers. From now on a Band-Aid is my accessory of choice. Band-Aid stock should go through the roof.