A Bribe, For Me?

I am insulted. I am just not sure about what.

Our college holds open registration. That means that students may register themselves for classes during a 3 week period each term. We don't keep registration a secret. It is on our website, advisors mention it, and we have a banner we place on the front lawn.

Still, after registration closes students will come into our office wailing that they "have to get into that class!" Most of the time students try to play the pity card hoping it is the first time we have heard the excuse they are using and will break the rules and register them for the class they want.

Today a student tried a new approach. She offered me a bribe. Seriously! This student leaned over my desk and in a low-toned voice offered me $10 to get her in the class she needed.

I don't know whether to be insulted that she thought I could be bribed, or insulted that she thought I could be bought so cheap.

Idle

We spent a Work Free Holiday on the river. It was great; we drank daiquiris while floating on inner tubes, listened to live music while eating burgers at the marina, and slept on the dock.

Something about doing nothing while other people are at work made it even more enjoyable. We mentioned this often to one another.

Me at 1AM: “Want to play another round of Yahtzee?” Mister: “Why not? We don’t have to get up and go to work in the morning.”

Mister at 11AM: “Making a batch of daiquiris?” Me: “Of course, we aren’t at work.”

Now that we are back to our everyday work routine, I think our life is missing idleness. We know how to be idle, just not how to work it into an average day. The state has pretty firm ideas about when I arrive everyday- so that lets out sleeping in. The state is also inflexible about the length of my break- so no 3 martini lunches. I can’t spend the afternoon at the dog track because the state doesn’t release me until 7PM. And have I mentioned how the mortgage company feels about the monthly payments? Mister can’t not go to work and us keep our house.

Maybe we need an idleness revolution. A hammock in the front yard would be a sign of support. Lying in the hammock at 9AM Monday morning would be an act of heroism

Seriously?!

A student just drooled on my desk!!!

This chick was so f***-up she had a slobber string from her mouth to my desktop!

Seriously- I should be getting hazard pay.

Space Invaders

I understand not everyone has the same concept of “personal space.” In some cultures people stand inches apart while speaking to one another. In other cultures a car isn’t considered full until there are at least 4 people in the backseat. But for the most part, here in Georgia, we have a 3 foot comfort zone.

My personal space has been invaded. I am thinking of putting up a sign or fence or something.

When we help new students to register we have a sheet they must sign off on stating we told them about fees, services, and their responsibilities as students. I asked a student to sign this sheet and he grabbed the pencil that was holding my hair in a twist.

I said “Seriously?” and the student looked at me as if I were the one with a problem and stated he didn’t have a pencil.

Wouldn’t most people consider this an invasion of personal space?

Skeletons

I always say my house is clean enough to be healthy, dirty enough to be happy. After what I found this weekend I am either going to have to quit saying that or start doing a little more housework.

When you work full time and attend classes in the evenings, you have to sacrifice something. The something I cut back on is housework. I would much rather laze around with Mister, drinking daiquiris and dreaming about the garden than strip and wax the wood floors. I keep the laundry and dishwasher going and swab out the bathroom once a week. My house gets by on a kiss and a promise.

Between semesters I take a day or two off from work and give the house a good going over. I could not believe what I found this time. A mouse skeleton! Not a mouse, a mouse skeleton. It had been dead so long it was a skeleton.

Our windows do a weird transformers type move so that I can clean the outside of the glass while standing inside the house. When I did that transformer move on the window in the dog-room I found a mouse skeleton in the sill.

I shop-vac’d the skeleton and thought about my saying. Clean enough to be healthy, dirty enough to be happy. We are happy here, but now I am not so sure about the healthy part…

Fairly Well

I was sitting at the reception desk today when a guy asked me how I was doing as he walked past. I answered “fairly well” to his back. The guy turned around and came back to ask me why fairly?

I had to think about it for a second, cause I really was only feeling fairly well. Finally I told the guy it was because of my hair.

He said “Your hair?”

“Yea, I’m not happy with my hair.” I replied.

So here I was, explaining to a guy I barely knew, how if I am not happy with my hair I can’t be “fine” or even “well.” The best I can manage when I am not happy with my hair is “fairly well” and that every Tuesday I was fairly well.

When I slowed for breath the guy told me bye and left.

Did They Call Me a Cracker?

The college where I work celebrates Administrative Professional’s Day (administrative assistant day?? secretary day??) by giving us a catered lunch, door prizes, and having a guest speaker.

The college weekly newsletter stated that this year’s speaker had written a book about Crackers. Seriously? Are they calling us crackers? Isn’t that obviously no respect for people that they don’t respect?

I am so NOT a cracker. I spent the past weekend indulging in high culture: I had a few margaritas at the Mexican restaurant (stumbled out), picked up a urinal on the side of the road (another story), camped at the hunting club with Mr and his family (no bath for 2 days), and was back at work Monday morning with a ponytail and orange fingernails. Sounds classy to me.

So really, I wasn’t excited about the speaker for Administrative Professional’s Day.

Then Lauretta Hannon took the floor. She spoke about finding inspiration in our flawed lives, about being down on your luck and thanking God for a chance to work, about the compassion that exists in the grittiest hard-core drunks. She wasn’t calling us crackers, she was showing us her life and how to embrace who you are and carry on with hope and dignity.

I may sound as if I am hawking her books, but really, check Lauretta Hannon out at http://www.thecrackerqueen.com/. Her book is inspirational and funny- two good things to be for Administrative Professional’s Day.